am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
