My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
