i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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