im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
