I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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