You're earring is so big in my mouth
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
