oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
