I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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