This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize