so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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