I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
