we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
