morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
