Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
