ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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