Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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