I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
