I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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