I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
only you would photoshop your dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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