i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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