my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
