So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
3pm strippers are depressing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
