No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
