Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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