Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
