Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
