I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
