Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
