Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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