Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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