Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the day after is always just damage control
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
