Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
