great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
