so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
