Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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