So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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