my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I got inside last night via doggy door
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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