Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
