Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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