As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
