we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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