Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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