i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
