it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
