My sheets look like a crime scene.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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