as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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