I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
