Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
