Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
