the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
