I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
