I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
