I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize