i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
