The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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