The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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