trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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