bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Randomize
