fuck your aforementioned shoe
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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