they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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