i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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