i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
