He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
