Pappa wants mamma naked
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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