So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
