Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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