Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
