If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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