It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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