i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
