Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize