he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
