3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
