Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
