Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
